What's worse is, two days was bad enough. Now I have to stand a week without him. He's leaving for the beach tomorrow and won't be back until next Friday or Saturday. I just got home from his house. We had a really long goodbye. I cried the whole way home. I know it's only a week, but two days felt like forever. Maybe it's because I wasn't haveing a good time. I don't know. Never the less, he's not going to be around and I am going to be sad.

He did the sweetest thing though. He walked me out to my car and he was like "if I do something will you promise you won't think it's corny?" and I'm like "of course!" He took my ring off my finger and he "accidentally dropped it" and so he got on his knee to pick it up, and he looked up at me, standing there, as he was on one knee, and was like "what a predicamnet I'm in, huh?" I just laughed. He paused, and then said, "Nicole........Byler," (big long pause because of my lack of a middle name), "marry me, someday?" I breathed a "yeah" and kissed him and he put the ring on my left ring finger. My boyfriend is the sweetest person. I am the luckiest girl in the whole world.

We went to the CAY for about an hour last night. WE went driving with Stacey out in BFE for awhile then we got bored and went to CAY. Eric and I bumped and whatev. It was fun. It was really hot though, and I realized how much I dislike Brittani Horton. I was 3 feet away and she wraps her arms around Eric's neck and was like "wanna dance?" and started moving around. I swear I would have slapperd her if I would have seen that. She really has no shame. And she's got a boyfriend. She wants mine. Too bad, so sad.

Sarah Larson was also at CAY. It was funny seeing her there, trying to get into dancing. I thought it was humorous. She waved and talked to Stacey like she was her old friend. She even waved at me. Me and Stace were dressed all cute in black pants and hootchie shirts and she was in khakis and some Aeropostale halter Not something you would wear to CAY. Well, something she'd wear to CAY. But I dunno because I was dancing all over Eric and it was weird being in front of her with him. I didn't mind it when Brittani was around. When she walked by I made a special note to be all over him. Not that I wasn't already, but you know.

Today marks one year that grandma died. I went to see her grave and aunt Jodys too. It was kinda weird. There was another murder in Columbus similar to Jodys. My aunt Jane was on the news today in Columbus. The 5 O'Clock News interviewed her. My mom told her a buncha stuff to say.

Well, it's late and the leftover Chinese takeout isbecoming gross. I haven't even eaten anythign today. I had a piece of watermelon at Stacey's, then an ince cream cone and some bread at Eric's. Blah I hate food.

He's been blessed with this gift of being able to say anything or do anything and in my eyes, it's the sweetest thing in the whole wide world. He can't do any wrong in my eyes, and then on the other hand, I just continually keep screwing up and I wonder if I make him as happy as he makes me. I don't know if that's possible. Eric makes me soooooooooooooooo incredibly happy, and I want him to feel the same happiness I feel.

He told me last night when I walked him home that he couldn't think of the future without me in it. He said that he'd think of his future, and I was automatically in it. It soothed me because I was beginning to feel "clingy" (I'm so sick of that word) in the sense that I felt the exact same way. It's just another reason of why I love this boy so much. We're on the same wavelenght, the same level. We're thinking the same things. I like that.

We're going to Jackson together tomorrow about 2 or 3 to pick Stacey up. It'll be cool for Stacey's mom to meet Eric, because she's wanted to since I've told them about Eric.

Well I guess I'd better go for now. I'm going to bed.

Did I forget to mention that I'm making my baby dinner tonight? He's visiting his grandma (he's getting her car) on the west side, then he'll be back later. Mom and Kris are going to Jackson, so the house will be ours. I'm making him spaghetti and I bought this little loaf of garlic bread and we've got some salad stuff. I need to ger some dessert. I think I might go back and buy some strawberries (I've got whipped cream...heh) and this little short cake things. I don't know.

I need to shower. I haven't decided what to do yet. As far as the setting... The candles on our table are too tall, so maybe I'll being down a few of mine. Will a few candles make it stupid? What about music? Would that be really stupid? I don't have any good CDs...I've got a lotta good mp3s so maybe I could customize my list and just keep it low, in the background kinda. Yeah, that's a good idea.

I don't know what to wear either. It's not some big huge thing, so I can't really dress up. I could wear my Old Navy dress that's green and blue and white... I don't know. Maybe my capris and a cute shirt. Or my Ralph Lauren polo dress. I'll find something.

Well, I guess I'd better get going. I need to shower, etc. if I am going to start cooking here in a bit. Deatils about the dinner later.

I hate feeling sad, I used to fel it so often, it just consumed me. But now I'm never sad. I have someone who makes me so happy, it's like my piece of heaven on earth. It's such an uncomfortable feeling now because I've been on this high for a month and a half, and now I've been smacked in the forehead with this sadness that's so encompassing, I can barely breathe. I don't know why. I wish I knew.

It's kinda early and I don't want to call Eric because I'd feel bad if I woke him up. I just need to hear his voice, but most of all, I need to feel him near. I can almost feel the sigh of relief I'd heave when I'd be in his arms. I hope he can come over today or something. I don't care if he's up in Wheelersburg, or if he's out in east boofu, I'd go get him. I used to never admit that I needed something, but I need him so much.

Maybe it's my period. I've always been overly emotional with I'm on it. Except I think I'm off of it, and usualy I only get pissed off when I'm on it. I scream that things and people, and everything pisses me off (except Eric, of course:). Never am I sad.

It's a very good things I am off my period (or so I think so), for ovbious reasons, but it's really bad too because not that I'm off of it, mom can make me an appointment to the Nazi Death Camp...I mean...the gynocologist. I'm getting put on the pill. Unless it's going to make me fat. Then I refuse to be on the pill. I have to get a full pelvic exam I'd say, though. Last time I went through this, I ended up standing up in the stirrups, which is virtually impossible, I bawled the whole time, and I threw up before and after. It's the worst possible thing anyone has to go through. They say it won't hert, but it does. If you've never gone, you have every reason to be afraid.

Well, I didn't get online to talk about that. I don't know what I'm talking about. All I know is I need to feel Eric's arms around me, right now. I'll write more after this happens. Hopefully I'll feel better.

I did do something stupid though. I decided to read Sarah Larson's diary just out of sheer curiosity. Actually, it wasn't curiosity. It was to see what the little bitch had to say about me. She pretty much said that the reason why people hate her is because they're jealous of her. There she goes again, indirectly speaking about me in her journal. It pisses me off. I sure would love to slap that little bitch right across her face. If people knew who she really was, under her brown-nosing persona, maybe then they'd understand who the *real* bad guy is. Until then, I guess I have to have Denise and stupid people on her side. Like it matters though.

I'm definately not jealous of Sarah though. WHat reason do I have to be jealous of her? She should be jealous of me! I've got the best boyfriend in the whole world! She ought to be jealouss! Acutally, that sounds really snotty. I don't know. I'm on my period. I guess I have the legal right to bitch right now. I'm bloated and unhappy.

Had a small shindig for the VMAs tonight. Eric, Yolanda and Evan were all over. We had pizza and bother assorted munchies and then we ended up going to the Burg and Eric and I swam. Yolanda tripped on the stoop and she plowed right into the screen. That sucker broke, she ripped the screen, the frame is all bent. She sat in my car until we left. It was hysterical. I haven't laughed that hard in awhile.

My dad tailed me today, all around Portsmouth. Eventually, I won, and got him off my jock. Imagine, my little '91 Camry kicking the ass of his '00 Jetta. Hmmm. He and I got into it again today because he come down from Jackson for dinner and Kris or I didn't want to go, and I called in plenty enough time in advance, yet he claimed to be in town. I wasn't there when he showed up. He was pissed. I didn't answer my phone and eventually, about 7 when my baby and Yolanda were over and we were just chillin, he comes and raises hell, and he and I get into it. I get so pissed I slam doors, he lied (big suprise there) about so many things. He's gone off the deep in. He took my cell phone. I'm pissed about that.

He's really showed himself a lot lately. Something doesn't feel right about him anymore. I just have this all-around bad feeling that somethign is going to happen. I don't know what, but I've had this feeling for awhile. Who knows? I hate admitting it, but I don't hate anyone on this earth but my father, and I wouldn't at all be put out if I never ever saw him again. My whole life I've never had a father. I've had him, but that's a sorry excuse. I just don't know what to think.

Well, I guess I'd better get going. Kendra is having a car wash at O'Mallys tomorrow for River Days and Eric and I might go to help out or hang out or get my car washed (it's long past-due anyway lol).